This is an early-80s Citroën BX. It is, for reasons beyond my comprehension, a “Leader” edition, and “Leader D” at that. I don’t know what this really translated to in terms of accessories or optional extras fitted to the car, but it does kind of make the thing look that little bit more like a prop from some contemporary Star Wars ripoff.
But you see, I took these pictures about a 20 minute walk away from my apartment in Berlin. I’d gone on a long walk that whole morning to go out and find cars and I started to head home when I knew I’d have to pee pretty damn soon.
I can’t remember if I had actually gotten some nice pictures of other cars before finding this Citroën or if it had been an especially dry morning, but something utterly compelled me not to leave this car behind without taking any pictures to remember it by. I just had to pee so bad – it was getting worse and worse – I was running around the car, trying to get all the good angles done, wanted to leave, but there’d be one more little detail after another that would call to me, demand a picture.
And so I was darting around, a complete idiot, shaking up and down trying not to pee myself until I gave up, ran into the bushes at the end of the block and just let loose right there. And so, walking back to the car, half shamed / half proud, I took a few parting pictures and wandered home, feeling a little bit that the chintzy timepiece of ’80s hatchback had taken advantage of me.
Seeing and remembering how rushed this shots were makes me thing of how objects can have power over a person, how readily obsesion can manifest, and how one must be mindful that passions can so unconsciously create disruptions. Still, I can look at these pictures and recall my zitternde hands and know that I wouldn’t want it any other way.